1.Baking Bad Recipe Book: £8.39, amazon.co.uk
You too can learn how to cook up crystal meth and become drunk with power and make millions of…Oh no wait. It’s actually just a recipe book for cakes and biscuits and all that. Spend your Christmas holidays binge watching Great British Bake Off and Breaking Bad and then combine the two and whip up something delicious and questionable for dessert! We need to cook!
2.Chocolate Brussel sprouts, £2.85,amazon.co.uk
If you can’t be bothered looking through every recipe that claims to be a new twist or a sure-fire way to trick people into eating actual Brussels Sprouts, or Satan’s bogies as they’re known, then do everyone a favour and ditch the veg and go for its chocolatey doppelgänger. Take that, Jamie Oliver.
3.De-motivational Pencils: £8.99, thepresentfinder.co.uk
Looking for inspiration as your next essay deadline approaches? Then best look away now as these writing tools are more likely to have you downing that out-of-date Bailey’s just for sport rather than focus your energies on a more productive endeavour. Still, if it’s someone else’s academic demise you wish to hasten then at £8.99 a pop I think I know who’s winning.
4.USB Fridge: £14.99, iwantoneofthose.com
Look at this tiny fridge. I don’t know how useful this guy is considering it has a capacity of one small can and you need to be near a USB port and you need to hang around for quite a while before it chills anything, but still. Have you ever seen a fridge that small before? What a world we live in.
5.Global Gizmos LED Cinematic Lightbox: £7 TJ Hughes
A box of light. What could be more cheerful and delightful sounding? Create your own shopfront or cinema with your very own light box. Or, more likely, just write a load of vulgar insults on it and laugh at your own handy work. Maybe you need to have a word with yourself about finding more productive ways of spending your free time. FYI, the Global Gizmos Cinematic Lightbox features a selection of 71 letters, numbers and symbols.
Well, what did you expect?
6.Illumibowl Toilet Night Light: £14.99, thepresentfinder.co.uk
A tale as old as time – waking up in the middle of the night to the realisation that you need to leave the warm and cosy sanctuary of your bed to go to the toilet. Not that it is ever really an exciting experience, but the prospect is made worse by the miserable darkness and freezing floor tiles. This is where the IllumiBowl comes in. It is light sensitive, so it will only turn on in the dark; as well as motion sensitive so it only lights up when you walk into your bathroom. There are nine colour options, and it fits to any toilet. If there was ever a way to making relieving yourself in the wee small hours more enjoyable, then this is definitely it.
7.Underground Beer Fridge: £199, thepresentfinder.co.uk
Beer warm again – did you forget to bury the alcoholic carry-out again you clod? The blindingly obvious solution to lager-cooling problems is a storage device which allows you to keep your booze below ground before utilising the lift option to retrieve your next drink. In all honesty it’s impossible for me to comprehend why, in 21st century Britain, you’d go down the subterranean refrigeration route for your Stella Artois when there’s probably a perfectly good fridge only metres away. 10/10 for novelty value right enough.
8.Pug Lolly: £4, hawkin.com
There’s nothing more fashionable these days than tiny, dangerously overbred dogs trotting along in front of you in the street. Why not jump on this particular bandwagon and, rather than spend a few thousand pounds on an actual dog, just eat one’s face – in lolly form. I don’t know how relevant it is but it’s cola flavoured.
9.Elf on the Shelf: £5, hawkin.com
This started as good clean fun. A little something for the kids to look forward to each morning. Now though, the mischievous elf has become the plaything of anyone old or young. This is a worthwhile purchase to find out just how atrociously out of order this sweet little elf can be. Place Elfie in any number of situations for your friends, family or flatmates to find in the morning.
10.Beamie LED Light Beanie: £12.99, thepresentfinder.co.uk
Ever found yourself crawling towards your front door in sub-zero temperatures thinking, ‘if only I had a torch embedded in my winter headgear’ as you fumble around looking for the key?
If the answer is yes, then the question is, ‘why don’t you own a beanie which doubles up as a convenint head torch for when the dud bulb in the light at your door hasn’t been replaced?’
Now you know…
11.Ukelele: £54.99, amazon.co.uk
DO you know someone who almost wants to play an almost guitar? Maybe they’re too small for an actual guitar? Maybe they don’t have time to learn to play a real instrument? In that case, you’re in luck! You can hear the kooky hipster’s instrument of choice in a number of indie flicks and backing tracks. You can encourage any friend or relative to let out their inner Michael Cera or Ellen Page with this lil uke.
12. Love, £0/priceless, aroundtheworld.com
Wow, how cheap are you? Is this all you can afford? Well, I suppose you can stretch it’s use by date to forever and share the love. It’s not tangible and we can’t see it yet we all feel it and it makes us happier than the most expensive gift in the world!
All paid for gifts suggested by Luke Hawkins
Free gift suggested by Susie Daniels
Merry festivities from all at Student Rag!