BEST XMAS PRESENTS BY ALICE CRUICKSHANK

Christmas means a lot of different things for different people but mostly, we’re all either panicking about what we want or what we’re going to get people.

It’s a seriously stressful time of year, present hunting and worrying you haven’t got the right thing.
Christmas shopping is never a fun experience, even when it’s online (thank you Amazon) but it’s something we have to do.

And there’s that awful question, “What do you want for Christmas?”. Six words to cause weeks or even months of stress. But never fear, ALICE CRUICKSHANK has the answers you’ve been looking for.

And out of seasonal goodwill, we present them to you here…

For the one who is just impossible to buy for
Personalised Whisky £various @ www.scotchblender.com

bottle3

For some people there is simply no hope. Until now, that is.
Erase years of disappointing your unfathomably hard-to-please dad/mum/boyfriend/girlfriend/brother/sister (delete as appropriate) by giving them the gift they’ve always wanted – the chance to blend their own whisky this Christmas.
At scotchblender.com anyone can become a master blender simply by mixing their own malts and blends in the online Blending Room.
Or to make it even easier simply order a gift card and let the recipient do it themselves, which chances are is what they’d prefer anyway.
A truly unique way to show your love / fulfil your festive obligations.

For your brother
Smartphone projector- £19.99 @ notonthehighstreet.com
projector
Give your brother the gift of the ultimate Netflix and chill set up with this snazzy smartphone projector. His Tinder profile will be filled with new matches after he shows them his sweet home cinema. The suave, vintage design of this compact projector will fit into even the coolest of bedrooms and will lead to hours of novelty cinematic pleasure. Who needs to watch the Queen’s speech on Christmas day when you can watch old episodes of Big Bang Theory projected onto the curtains? Epic.

For your teenage sister
Believe In Your Selfie tee- £24.95 @ notonthehighstreet.com

selfie-tshirt

If you can’t believe in yourself anymore, at least you can believe in your #selfie. For a girl who’ll spend all day Instagramming her Christmas presents (#luckygirl), this is the perfect gift, while you can make sardonic musings about youth culture that will sail right over her Mac makeup-covered head.  Even better, you can add a hidden message to be printed inside the bottom of the t-shirt for £4, but whether it’s friendly or offensive is up to you. #blessed

For your mum
Personalised wooden spoons- £22 for four @notonthehighstreet.com

wooden-spoons

Now we are certainly not suggesting that a mother’s place should be in the kitchen. What we are suggesting is that this type of personalized family gift might bring a tear to her eye and help catapult you towards Favorite Child status. This quirky little set will be at home in any family kitchen, and the number of spoons can be changed to fit any size family. Of course, it helps for design purposes if yer maw wears rollers, yer da has a beard and yer sis wears specs but hey, it’s the thought that counts, right?

For your dad
No Sh*t Sherlock Bathroom Spray- £6.99 @ iwantoneofthose.com

toilet-spray

Never live in fear of walking into the bathroom after your dad again. This quirky bathroom spray will have fellow bathroom users asking, “whodunit?” as the commode is left smelling sweeter than ever. With a decidedly manly aroma of lemon and cedar, we reckon Daddy Dearest will enjoy spritzing this round the bathroom, much to everyone’s relief. Might be best to buy this one in bulk.

For your girlfriend
Scrabble lights- £17.99 @ iwantoneofthose.com

scrabble-lights

Girls enjoy fairy lights. Girls also enjoy love notes. Why not aim for top boyfriend points and write a love note using fairy lights? These Scrabble lights are seriously cute and a really unique gift. With 60 interchangeable letter stickers, you can let your romantic side out again and again. Just remember to aim for messages of love and admiration, and not the highest score (although we think there should be bonus points if you achieve both).

For your boyfriend
Bacon iPhone case- £23.60 @ bonanzamarket.co.uk

bacone-case

Everything is better wrapped in bacon- even an iPhone, it seems. Ok, you’re probably going to get him that soppy framed couples photo anyway, but might as well get him something he actually wants (we joke- that heart-shaped picture of you two from the Christmas market will definitely take pride and place when you’re in his flat). This ultra-realistic phone cover is good enough to eat, with its authentic looking rasher design. Our mouths are watering at the thought. Warning: may lead to weight gain due to constant bacon cravings.

For your gran
Nessie Ladle- £9.99 @ iwantoneofthose.com

ladle-grans

If your gran is anything like our grans, then she probably makes great soup. We firmly believe that with great soup should come a great ladle and are totally infatuated by this adorable Nessie take on the essential kitchen accouterment. Envisage the cuteness as he comes swimming through the soup pot. He’s even got wee legs to keep the worktop clean, clever Nessie. Ok, our inappropriate love of a soup ladle aside, this is a quirky cool gift for a family member who’s not always the easiest to buy for.

For ‘the lad’
Hot Stuff in a Matchbox- £6 @ notonthehighstreet.com

hot-stuff4

We all know one- the guy who thinks he’s nails because he goes for extra hot at Nandos. You’ll soon find out just how hard he is when you give him this gift of some truly hot stuff.  This explosive collection contains samples of the hottest chillies in the world- Scorpion Moruga (2,000,000 SHU), a Butch T (1,500,000 SHU), 7 Pot (1,300,000 SHU), and Ghost powder (1,000,000 SHU). A cruel, but highly amusing gift. Make sure to have the camera and 4 pints of milk handy.

For your gal pal
Sassy Stash- £25 @ thegreatgiftcompany.co.uk

Sticking your phone down your bra is so 2009, daaarling! Try strapping it to your leg instead. This handy little leg pocket is designed to look like a garter (how long have you been waiting for those to come back?), yet provides a surprising amount of space for cash, phone, lipstick etc. Your friend will be blessed with never having to carry a pesky handbag on a night out again and will look really, er, glam. We predict it won’t be long before men throughout the nightclubs in Glasgow will be heard shouting, “geez a swatch o’ yer lipgloss, hen”.

For your flatmate
Molecular mojito kit- £30 @ thegreatgiftcompany.co.uk

Prepare to host the best cocktail parties EVER after you gift your flatmate this for Christmas. Move over Sex on the Beach and Pina Coladas- if it’s not alcoholic alchemy we don’t want to know. No more sugar-rimmed glasses and boozy ice cubes- we’re talking really exciting taste concoctions here. Prepare yourself for deconstructed Mojitos, spectacular foam cocktails or even an exploding sphere of boozy goodness. Just remind yourself this gift is for your flatmate and not you. Definitely not for you.

For your auntie
Crafting With Cat Hair- £11.95 @ prezzybox.com

Never again hear Aunt Mable lament, “I do love old Tiggy, but she does moult something awful”. Now your favourite, cat-loving aunt can do something constructive with all that fur. That’s right, ladies and gents, crafting with cat hair is now a real bona fide pastime, which promises to be as practical as it is engaging. Step-by-step guides will walk Aunt Mable through an exciting array of craft projects, such as kitty tote bags, finger puppets, cat toys and picture frames. we reckon she’ll be over the moon with this gift. Or extremely perplexed…

For the person who has everything
Bubble wrap suit- £12.99 @ presentsformen.co.uk

bubble-wrap-suit2

There’s always that one person you have absolutely no clue what to buy for him or her. Whether it’s your tech-savvy sibling who already owns every conceivable gadget, your Hipster pal who has no interest in anything conventional, or the one Secret Santa you were dreading, sometimes gift buying is just impossible. Well fear not- we have the perfect solution. Say hello to the bubble wrap suit- hours of fun for big kids of all ages. Who hasn’t sat popping a sheet of bubble wrap and thought, man, I wish I could wear this? Not only will you be giving the recipient a snazzy waterproof (we think) suit, but also the gift of pure, unadulterated joy.