Christmas time, mistletoe and wine. And debt. And horizontal rain. And darkness outside nearly 24/7. And some more wine. If you’re looking for your present to stand out amongst the crowd and aren’t willing to settle for the easy options of cash or vouchers, then this collection of stuff and thingys could be the answer. Luke Hawkins gives you a flavour of the most interesting / amusing / plain remarkable gifts on offer this festive season. If you’re asking, he’d like a go of the Poo Head game.
1.Poo Head Game:£9.99 prezzybox.com
Whoever said throwing poo was strictly for deranged monkeys and protesting prisoners?
Drunken or socially immature humans can join in the fun too, safe in the knowledge that with this game no actual bodily waste is projected towards a fellow player. Although come to think of it, there probably is a version of that being enjoyed in rugby clubs throughout the country as we speak…duck!
2.Make Your Own Gin Kit:£28, notonthehighstreet.com
“Make your own gin!” Out of context it sounds like the kind of terrible idea that comes out of someone’s mouth at 4am when the fridge and cupboards have been raided and left empty on a particularly successful weekend.
But with the right gear, this could be a pretty wholesome activity; and of course you get a reward at the end –and it’s not just an overwhelming sense of creative achievement.
3.Hand-knitted Dog Scarf £20, notonthehighstreet.com
Of course I haven’t forgotten about the most important members of the family.
Winter can be pretty chilly for everyone, so doggos big and small need to wrap up.
Make sure your dapper doggo turns heads with this personalised, hand-knitted effort specially made for the fanciest of pooches.
I estimate it will last about four hours before it gets chewed up and buried in the garden.
4.World Scratch Map £25, notonthehighstreet.com
Sickening. Not only is this suitable for one of your frequent traveller friends but a frequent travelling couple.
If your Facebook and Instagram feeds are full of sun-soaked pictures from distant lands, beaming smiles and exotic foods, all of which makes you feel not the slightest bit jealous then you can throw one of these at your smug, globetrotting friends over the holidays. Presuming they’ve hung around for more than five minutes before disappearing to ride an elephant or build a shanty town.
5.Drunk Stoned or Stupid: £15, amazon.co.uk
“Use daddy’s credit card”, “Trash talk at the special Olympics”, “Call dibs on people at a party”.
Just some of the cards you can draw in this delightful/despicable hybrid of Cards Against Humanity and Never Have I Ever.
Prepare yourself for strained friendships and the possibility of someone going too far and ruining what was a perfectly lovely evening. Strictly for use with friends and not family.
6.Pikachu Onesie: £35, animerepublic.co.uk
They’re the once-novelty Christmas present – and indeed the indispensable nightwear – that just won’t go away.
And if you’re in the market for a onesie which takes the form of the cutest Pokemon in the business – that’s Pikachu if you had to ask – then look no further.
Rosy cheeks, floppy ears and a yellow tail. What more did you want?