1.ThinkGeek Zombie Plush Slippers: £13.75 amazon.co.uk
Keep your toes toastie while striking fear into the heart of those careless flatmates who dare glance at your nicely-warmed feet! Zombies continue to fascinate the under-active minds of those in full-time education so why not indulge/mock them by engaging with the undead as you pad around the living room? Worst case outcome is you become the victim of a vicous slipper-based trolling campaign. Best case is you earn the respect of your zombie-fearing peers while keeping your digits at a comfortable temperature. For £13.75 I think I know who’s winning here.
2.Luxury Beer Advent Calendar: £69.99 very.co.uk
It’s some people’s festive dream – a collection of alcoholic drinks to sample in the build-up to the main event. Jesus Christ almost certainly favoured wine over fermented malt and hops, but don’t let this trifling detail distract you from enjoying a couple of bottles of beer. Had bottled and canned lagers, ales, stouts and Pilseners (do you know the difference?) been freely available 2000 years ago then you can be sure that the son of God would be enjoying a tipple as he contemplated his own birth over a quiet drink with friends. Or disciples. Ok, no points for Biblical accuracy.
3.Mini Touch-Activated Sweet Dispenser: £11.99 iwantoneofthose.
What with regular containers presenting such difficulties when it comes to extracting the confectionery, it was high time some genius came up with a top-tier invention with a practical purpose. I give you the Mini Touch-activated Sweet Dispenser. No more grappling with sweetie wrappers for you, my friend – simply touch the device to have untold sugar-laden riches thrust into your eager hand. After you’ve emptied a packed of sweets into the dispenser, that is.
4.Game Boy Alarm Clock: £24.99, prezzybox.com
Yet again, we shun the modern world. We’re going even more old-school this time with the Game Boy Alarm Clock. If you’re going to throw your alarm clock off the wall when it goes off at some ungodly hour, why not make it a novelty retro alarm clock that plays official Super Mario Land theme music?
5.Human Beer Pong: £10, hawkin.com
Simply throw an inflatable ball into your oponent’s inflatable topless hat – what could be more simple? As good clean fun goes, this little gem of a game would last all of 30 seconds. But add a Xmas drink or two and it’s a whole different, well, ball game.
6.Sweet Sushi: £12.95 notonthehighstreet.com
If the idea of raw fish and gloopy rice doesn’t appeal to you (and why would it?) then go for this cute and colourful sweetie alternative. Great British Bake Off has been partly responsible for the rise in popularity of food that looks like other food, and this Sweet Sushi shows off the perfect execution of that style. Fake Japanese food – doesn’t it just scream Christmas?
7.Unicorn Poop Bath Bomb: £5.99, notonthehighstreet.com
I mean…not to get all scatological here, but if you were to choose to bathe in the poop of any animal, fiction or non-fiction (in this case non-fiction), then unicorn probably isn’t a bad choice. This product either shows that there is something very wrong with people these days, or something very right with people these days.