The Soul of Discipline: The Simplicity Parenting Approach to Warm, Firm, and Calm Guidance- From Toddlers to Teens

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From being an art of unbearable sensations punishment has become an economy of suspended rights. If it is still necessary for the law to reach and manipulate the body of the convict, it will be at a distance, in the proper way, according to strict rules, and with a much ‘higher’ aim. As a result of this new restraint, a whole army of technicians took over from the executioner, the immediate anatomist of pain: warders, doctors, chaplains, psychiatrists, psychologists, educationalists; by their very presence near the prisoner, they sing the praises that the law needs: they reassure it that the body and pain are not the ultimate objects of its punitive action. Today a doctor must watch over those condemned to death, right up to the last moment – thus juxtaposing himself as the agent of welfare, as the alleviator of pain, with the official whose task it is to end life (11). So, if there’s something about having a deeper, richer inner life that appeals, then the spiritual disciplines (and this series) is for you. You may never have thought much about disciplining yourself spiritually, however. But the same immutable laws that underlie all other pursuits in life, underlie the growth and development of your soul. Spiritual discipline, then, is developing soul reflexes so that we know how to live. We discipline ourselves to develop soul memory in normal times so that we’ll be equipped for the times of high demand or deep crisis.” —Douglas Rumford Buenaventura Durruti, on his military leadership against fascist troops in Spain, as quoted in "Durruti Is Dead, Yet Living" (1936), by Emma Goldman

Moses … takes one form of desire, that one whose field of activity is the belly, and admonishes and disciplines it as the first step, holding that the other forms will cease to run riot as before and will be restrained by having learnt that their senior and as it were the leader of their company is obedient to the laws of temperance. For many adherents of the Abrahamic religions, in which God has required his followers to practice good works, the higher purpose for the spiritual disciplines is obvious: to follow this command and live a life that’s less sinful and more holy. Over the course of our 237 year history, it has been proven time and again that discipline is the difference between winning and losing, between average and exceptional. Once standards are established in an organization, it takes discipline to follow and enforce those standards both individually and collectively. Although this might seem straight forward and relatively easy to accomplish, it can be much more difficult to achieve in practice. Using a brigade combat team (BCT) as an example, it is easy to see how difficult this can be. Stop the “behavior modification” model. It makes children callous and insensitive to feeling. They don’t care anymore and will simply try to find the loophole. This approach also strips the parent of authority because all activity comes out of an external system of rewards and punishments. We want them to be guided by our own sense of authenticity, not some external reward. I believe, as I always have, in freedom. The freedom which rests on the sense of responsibility. I consider discipline indispensable, but it must be inner discipline, motivated by a common purpose and a strong feeling of comradeship.

There is something which unites magic and applied science while separating both from the wisdom of earlier ages. For the wise men of old the cardinal problem had been how to conform the soul to reality, and the solution had been knowledge, self-discipline, and virtue. For magic and applied science alike the problem is how to subdue reality to the wishes of men. This means that the ‘pain’ at the heart of punishment is not the actual sensation of pain, but the idea of pain, displeasure, inconvenience – the ‘pain’ of the idea of ‘pain’ (94). The Guide, who is both a sounding board and moral compass for emerging adults, helping teens build a sense of their life's direction as a way to influence healthy decision making

Every age and degree of understanding should have its proper measure of discipline. With regard to boys and adolescents, therefore, or those who cannot understand the seriousness of the penalty of excommunication, whenever such as these are delinquent let them be subjected to severe fasts or brought to terms by harsh beatings, that they may be cured. Discipline is the soul of an army. It makes small numbers formidable; procures success to the weak, and esteem to all. This week’s reading is Discipline and Punish, by noted ray of sunshine Michel Foucault. The book begins with a memorably graphic torture scene that pretty well sets the tone for what follows. The Governor, who is comfortably and firmly in charge—setting limits and making decisions for the early years up to around the age of eight U.S. Army photo by Sgt. James Geelen taken Aug. 8, 2019) U.S. Army Spc. Zyandriana Doss, a petroleum supply specialist, 68th Combat Sustainment Support Battalion, 4th Sustainment Brigade guards the perimeter from his fighting position during training at Camp Red Devil, Fort Carson, Colorado, Aug. 8, 2019.

Stop saying “Good job!” Children become praise junkies and can even become jaded as they begin to clearly recognize that not everything they do is fantastic. T]he need to measure, from within, the effects of the punitive power prescribes tactics of intervention over all criminals, actual or potential: the organization of a field of prevention, the calculation of interests, the circulation of representations and signs, the constitution of a horizon of certainty and proof, the adjustment of penalties to ever more subtle variables; all this also leads to an objectification of criminals and crimes. In either case, one sees that the power relation that underlies the exercise of punishment begins to be duplicated by an object relation in which are caught up not only the crime as a fact to be established according to common norms, but the criminal as an individual to be known according to specific criteria (101-102). conduct artillery emplacement drills in support of NATO's enhanced Forward Presence Battle Group Poland in Bemowo Piskie, Poland, April 27, 2020.

The decision to train the soul must be intentionally chosen, and then consistently practiced. Persistence is essential. One must manifest discipline of spirit; without it one cannot become free. To the slave discipline of spirit will be a prison; to the liberated one it will be a wondrous healing garden. So long as the discipline of spirit is as fetters the doors are closed, for in fetters one cannot ascend the steps. The Disciplines allow us to place ourselves before God so that he can transform us . . . The inner righteousness we seek is not something that is poured on our heads. God has ordained the Disciplines of the spiritual life as the means by which we place ourselves where he can bless us.

Wikipedia citation

The Soul of Discipline offers practical tools for helping parents implement discipline that's respectful and effective, but the book is so much more. Kim John Payne offers a framework to guide parents in making decisions about why, when, and how to hold tighter reins as we build skills in our children, and why, when, and how to loosen the reins as we scaffold freedom." --Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D., co-author of No-Drama Discipline

Discipline is, in a manner, nothing else but the art of inspiring the soldiers with greater fear of their officers than of the enemy. This fear has often the effect of courage: but it cannot prevail against the fierce and obstinate valor of people animated by fanaticism, or warm love of their country. But what are the “barbells” and “push-ups” that build spiritual strength? What exercises can be used to train the soul? If you’re nagged by a restless feeling that there must be more to life than your day-to-day existence, the spiritual disciplines are for you.The Soul of Discipline: The Simplicity Parenting Approach to Warm, Firm, and Calm Guidance - From Toddlers to Teens by Kim John Payne, who is a school and family counsellor for more than thirty years, is a path-breaking resource book most parents with toddlers and teens will find extremely useful. The book is designed to provide children with well-defined boundaries and save parents from the feeling of free fall when confronted with challenging disciplinary situations. These terminologies spark some degree of interest as they represent just one perspective, none of which are incorrect. Once established, standards (like bureaucracies) can be very difficult to change or dislodge as them become habit. As this document develops, the intent is to draw a parallel to both of these terms and explain how vital they both are to our Army's evolution and to one another. Establishment of standards represents a very good starting point for any organization. Discipline doesn’t just restrain you from misbehaving. It makes you more productive. It also isolates you. The disciplinary space is “cellular,” putting people into metaphorical spreadsheets. For the soul to strengthen, it has to be trained in a consistent, deliberate way. Just like your physical muscles, it needs something to push against, it needs resistance. If you really want your spirit to be able to soar to adventurous heights and explore the profoundest of depths, if you really want it to possess power — if you really want it to be free — it paradoxically needs some structure. It needs discipline. How Should I Approach the Spiritual Disciplines?