There are many physical types of punishments and those are the ones we typically think of. And while impact play can be a part of your BDSM relationship, the Dominant shouldn’t push the submissive with corporal punishments that push them beyond their limits. Safe words can be used during punishment if they are needed. The Dominant shouldn’t use punishment in moments of anger and they should remain in control. Essays- This should have the submissive explain the rule that was broken, why the rule is important, and why they must follow through with this consequence. Writing an essay forces the submissive to put into words what happened. It could even be structured in the way of an apology that has three parts: 1) I’m sorry for ____ 2)I need to follow this rule because ______, and 3)In the future I will do _____ to follow the rules set by my Dominant because he has my best interests in mind. No one — and I mean no one — is wholly dependent. Total dependence is a fantasy. We all rely on ourselves for tons of aspects of our lives.” Clothes- Find something that you like her to wear and surprise her with it when she is following a rule. You could start with lingerie and tell her that she will get the complete outfit as she continues to comply with the rules. Understanding the why behind the rules helps absolve the Dominant from feeling guilty from following through with the agreed upon consequence for breaking the rule.

Responsible Dom/mes understand their submission is a gift and good submissive’s understand that Dom/mes need to be needed/wanted as well. Speech Restrictions- The submissive is not allowed to talk to the Dominant. For me, this would be a very painful punishment. I need a voice and to be unable to speak to him would be very painful. I’m not saying becoming someone’s owned “property” should be natural or effortless or easy - but it can’t be forced, either. Ultimately, this conversation will take some time and communication from both people to determine the best way to move forward in the relationship.For me, bdsm is a lot about love, so if the symbol could represent both that would be totally awesome. Cute hearts are nice, but I wonder how good they will look when I'm 50. Many times, a Dominant will use small tasks to test a submissive’s willingness and ability to obey. When the Dominant sees how the submissive responds to these tasks, they have a better idea of whether they want to continue the relationship and/or how much training the submissive will require. As a submissive, the why for a rule being in place or why I am being given some, what I think is, a random task is very important to me. I happily comply with small, seemingly insignificant tasks. The Dominant should explain why menial tasks are assigned or why they are required. When the submissive understands the purpose, they will be happier to comply. Touching Restrictions- The submissive is not allowed to touch or be touched by the Dominant. If the submissive shows their affection through touch, this can be especially difficult.

Things they find pleasurable- The Dominant should find out things that submissive would like to try or things that she really likes and give her more of that as a reward Maybe it’s something as easy as allowing her to masturbate while taking a hot bath or as elaborate as a spa day being pampered. Be creative with this one. BDSM contracts aren’t as “intense” as they sound. Again, highly personalizable, contracts can be formal and some can be simple.Punishments are the other side of the coin. You’ve agreed to terms. But say you are feeling slightly bratty or maybe you forget (as a sub) what you have agreed to. There are consequences for these behaviors. Maybe it’s early in the relationship and you are given a task. As a sub, your Dom may require proof that you have completed the task when you are out of his presence. Failure to complete the task will result in punishment. Ownership, to me, is an intricate thing that shouldn’t be taken lightly - but it also shouldn’t be stressed. Deciding if you want to take this (or any other significant step) in a relationship is a big deal while at the same time something that should happen naturally. Part of the draw of the lifestyle as a submissive is to relinquish control to someone else so that they can help you be the best version of yourself. It’s not all about pleasure, well, that’s relative. There is pleasure in having someone take charge of parts of your life. There is pleasure in exploring how far you can push yourself. That’s why submissives need Dominants. It’s about learning your limits and having boundaries. The Dominant that you gift with your submission will guide you and enforce the boundaries when you forget. How they enforce is between you both and is something that should be discussed frequently. However, it's hard for me to decide on the exact design, one of the reasons being that I haven't found one that I feel is exactly right for me. Since it's going to be on my body for many years to come I don't want to do it half-heartedly!