When KSI and Logan Paul released new Prime Hydration flavours in Aldi this week, the low-calorie drink once again set in motion our weirdest collective meltdown of 2023. And, after grown adults once again started to queue outside supermarkets in the middle of the night to secure a hit, I’ve begun to wonder whether the need for Prime could replace the need for alcohol— if a viral soft drink could be enough to have a good time at a cramped party or grimy club. By 2.30AM everyone is, thank god, sloping off home. Prime (and good company) gave me enough of a boost to keep going till the early hours but health drinks simply are not fuel for 6AM sessions. With my rational mind still somehow in tact, I start scooping up beer bottles and empty vapes to make tidying up easier in the morning. Fear I’ve officially become my mother. The morning after

Does the Prime high feel like being pissed? Of course it doesn’t. But I danced, yelled, and nearly chunned, alongside everyone else in attendance and, honestly, what more is there to a night out than that? Related stories recommended by this writer:If you expect or drink a drink that looks, tastes and offers a similar experience to drinking an alcoholic drink, then you may experience feeling intoxicated even if there is no alcohol in the drink at all,” she claims, fuelling my delusion as I merrily careen around my room to the sounds of FredAgain feeling more pumped than I have from booze in months.

Tropical Punch: Straight away it is very sweet, almost too sweet. Tropical flavours are super vibrant and almost burst in your mouth. Very strong and flavourful. Second best. What I’m hearing is I’m Gwyneth Paltrow with a side of sweeteners. Already feel menacingly smug that everyone else around me will be cripplingly hungover in approximately nine hours. Pilates and Prime. This is my new identity. Live, laugh, love. 12.20-1.12AM – Early hour deliriumThe drink comes in a number of different flavours including Lemon Lime, Tropical Punch, Ice Pop and Blue Raspberry.