Perfect Fit The Bumper Plus Donut Buffer Cockring and Ballstretcher, White

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Because pain during intercourse is a multi-faceted issue, it can sometimes be difficult to diagnose.

A penis-shortening device modeled after Giulelmus Fabricius Hildanus' description. Credit: Courtesy of Erwin Kompanje The products in this range are made from body-safe, silky soft silicone which feels great next to the skin." These DIY solutions spread through the queer community, ever experimental and broadly liberated from heterosexual cultural scripts as it is, over the course of a few decades, Boyajian notes. But "it wasn’t until six or seven years ago that I first saw the same methods discussed by cisgender women who were finding penetration uncomfortable or painful." They believe this reflects a sea change in sexual discourse over the last decade, flowing out of novel online spaces that finally gave women room to publicly critique and organize against the widespread disregard for their experiences. This broad, public reevaluation of norms and expectations around sex and pleasure, alongside the mainstreaming of the sexual health and wellness industry, then created cultural and economic space for a new wave of products designed by and/or for receptive partners. Which explains how and why a few other explicitly depth-limiting devices, like the established toy brand Perfect Fit's The Bumper Thrust Buffer, launched around the same time as the OhNut.She notes that women sometimes accept the pain they experience during intercourse because they believe it’s a biological reality or simply “bad sex.” Sexual dysfunction affects 43 percent of women and 31 percent of men. Yet we are bombarded with erectile dysfunction advertisements and information. In fact, “ female sexual dysfunction” wasn’t even used as medical term until 1998 — several years after the arrival of Viagra. The Ohnut approaches “painful sex holistically,” allowing users to control how deeply the vagina is penetrated during sex through compression technology and a patent-pending linking ring. It’s essentially a soft bumper made from material that still gives the feeling of having full penetration for the person wearing it. In addition to being experienced as a range of physical sensations (burning, throbbing, aching), dyspareunia can also affect people emotionally. It may lead to embarrassment, guilt, confusion, and feelings of loneliness.

Moreover, Sauer says the Ohnut can also help transgender women following gender confirmation surgery. She hopes a future clinical trial can be conducted that specifically focuses on the Ohnut’s potential in this area since resources for trans women following surgery are limited. Whip out that new toy when you’re actually turned on (and not as a way to turn yourself on). “Think of it as foreplay,” Fleming says. “If you want to build up reception to a new toy, start off when you’re already highly aroused. The research is clear that people tend to be more open and receptive when already aroused.” Emily Sauer, founder of Lady Parts Justice League, is working for a future where painful intercourse will be history. Sarah Mulindwa, presenter of Channel 4’s The Sex Clinic and a Lovehoney ambassador, said: “The Lovehoney Health products provide complete peace of mind and comfort and can help if you are looking to resolve a known problem or just to see if they can makes sex easier and more pleasurable. We feel this new range offers both sexes relief and workable ways to improve sexual satisfaction and performance.”

What should men know when trying new sex toys?

Depending on the situation and person, pain can also occur at different times, including during sexual entry or other types of penetration (e.g., inserting a tampon), during deep thrusting, or hours after intercourse. Sauer says, “Ohnut not only allows control over depth, it also offers a fresh opportunity for couples to ideate and work together to find out what works for their shared experience.” New York sex and relationship therapist Cyndi Darnell specializes in the psychosomatic aspect of painful intercourse. She explains that “psychosomatic” doesn’t mean that a patient is imagining their pain, but that there more factors that should be considered when approaching treatment. “Pelvic/sexual pain is very real and not imaginary. Persistent problems with painful intercourse can be approached through talk therapy, education and partner education,” she says.

Denying the fact that sometimes sex hurts is like being embarrassed to have the flu,” Sauer says. “And this is not just a conversation for women. Men have been showing up in the most incredible ways, eager to learn. Our male testers find themselves asking, ‘Does this feel good? What about this?’” The societal silence around painful sex and pelvic health is part of a larger systemic problem where our medical institutions, education systems, and insurance policies generally don’t support female sexual dysfunction,” explains Sauer. Start with a less expensive model,” Fleming advises beginners. “Sometimes trying a more affordable model gives you a sense of what a sensation is like and whether you like it.” Of course, if you already know what feeling you like and you need a recommendation for the best sex toy that aligns with that, we’ve got you too. What should men know when trying new sex toys?Bottom line, the Ohnut isn’t going to work for everybody because every body is different, and it certainly won’t work for all types of pelvic pain. Even I still experience painful sex sometimes. I think for some people, the Ohnut may just provide space to relax — and the body’s inability to relax can be a significant contributor to the reasons penetration can hurt. To try it out, snag one for yourself here. The terms we use when talking about sex reflect the widespread and longstanding nature of this penile focus, argues Amy Boyajian of Wild Flower, a sexual health boutique focused on inclusion and education. Specifically, they convey the long-entrenched idea that "the penis-owner is the one doing and leading the action of sex," they explain. "If sex came from a receiver-centered view, we might say envelopment or enwrapping" instead of penetration when talking about intercourse. Another product worth considering is the Silicone Dilator Set. If you suffer from vaginal tightness, these dilators can gradually increase in diameter so you can slowly introduce your body to penetration. So how does it feel for the person with the vagina? You may think that shallower penetration doesn't feel as good. It's true that it's different, but it's still really pleasurable. At least, it’s a thousand times better than that stabbing vagina pain. It’s hard to explain — it’s like my body can tell that something is different, but, like my partner described, it doesn’t feel like anything is missing. We’re still having sex and even though we’re using our bodies a bit differently, the mechanics of the act are exactly the same. So, should I buy it?

But the OhNut wasn't the first such device ever. Nearly 800 years ago, the Sufi poet Jalal al-Din Mohammed Rumi wrote a poem about a (likely fictional) maid who used a specially-carved gourd during sex to keep her partner from pushing too deep into her. (By the by, her partner was a donkey.) And just over 400 years ago, Giulelmus Fabricius Hildanus, a pioneer of early modern surgery, developed a wearable bumper to limit pain caused during sex "by a too large penis." He put a description of the made-to-measure item in one of his widely-circulated medical texts. Erwin Kompanje, a Dutch medical historian, wrote extensively about Hildanus' now long-forgotten device in the mid-aughts, strenuously arguing that it "deserves a resurrection in today's medical practice."Another said the Kegel Toning Set was a ‘fun exercise programme,’ adding: “I have found that they not only tone my pelvic floor muscles but they also turn me on which is a bonus.” Sauer and others draw a direct line from this legacy of overt sexual bias in the medical domain to modern practitioners' widespread cluelessness about and dismissiveness of receptive partners' reports of pain during deep penetration. This history also goes a long way towards explaining why even seemingly progressive guides to navigating this sort of pain focus on what a receptive partner can do to accommodate a big penis, rather than on what a penis-haver can do to work with receptive anatomy. Notably, most prescribe relaxation techniques, stretching regimens, plenty of build-up and lubrication, and positions that task receptive partners with controlling the depth, angle, and speed of penetration. Bigger isn't always better